Writer's Block and going coastal

I just read a book, "How to write a lot", I think. It tersely pointed out that academic writers, especially dissertation writers--unlike novelists and poets, except for all in one november novelists--do not suffer writer's block, they just don't write. I won't repeat the justification for this cruel maxim, but I accepted it.

This means it is much easier to own the guilt about not writing. Usually when things in life seem preoccupied with sucking, I write. But there. I shape sonnets, make lists, hang couplets. My concentration is sucked. It got sucked after the professional poise and all those notes and points I'd studied got sucked, it almost seemed, by that spooky conference calling phone device. What the world around me wants, it pulls it out of me like the vacuum cleaner I've been wishing for, because now there are more carpets.

When I pace around with spiral notebooks shedding, when I look around now and see that I must have been using the hole punch in my sleep because there's confetti on the rug, I wish my dustbuster wasn't futile. Oh, futile, yes, like trying to use the eraser tip of a pencil that isn't fossilized yet, but will be in a year --or a day after you bite the end of it. Futile like the paper itself is grammar school soft like a newspaper, but with faint blue lines traced across at the wrong angle for my fingers to comfortably caress the book and the fat slippery red pencil. Those school pencils had no eraser on the end, and the enamel paint flaked horribly and the wood sustained teethmarks wonderfully when chewed. Who can pass handwriting class without a good pen and notebook? when the lines snag and tear with the newly sharp soft graphite, or they appear already faded, like a penciled note-- forgotten or washed once or twice? (I got a "U," which means unsatisfactory.)

I apologize to myself. I will congratulate myself for all writing and all thinking that helps me make progress to my full time writing space. Going from way too much to do I have enough to do it. Oh, never before has a sentence I've written needed more punctuation for clarity. Metaphysically, materially, and here. New lap top. Snow tires. Roll up the rugs for now. There is always enough stuff to put on the floor.

"There is special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come--the readiness is all."